Men really are from Mars!!

Why is it blokes can't read body language?
Now it's not that I was eavesdropping ...but you know how it is in Costa with the tables being so up close and personal! 
I'd have said they were meeting for the first time? It's usually the case when you see couples showing exaggerated interest in the mundane background stuff they chat about.  And it was  going very well.  Leaning forward ...faces cradled in hands - they were mirroring in perfect rapport. Big smiles. Tentative touching when they got up to order seconds - yes definitely must have been a first date.
Then I heard him say that he still lived with his parents!

Her smile went. The voice lost its happy ring. Hands dropped into her lap as she sat back in her chair locking her feet together under her chair. "Is that mine?" she asked - turning her attention to the toasty with a suddenly acquired interest in moving things along.
He of course hadn't noticed a thing! He happily continued - leaning in and going on with the same hyper-enthusiam. Whilst she - now fully out of rapport - was visibly  backing away from this "alien" from another world. This person whose body language was saying "yes" when her's was definitely saying "no!"
Because it isn't just words that consciously register and suggest disagreement.
More telling is the non-verbal language that unconsciously registers and confirms disagreement!
What I was observing does of course go on everyday in both both personal and business relationships. Even in telephone conversations

The daft thing is that most of the time we are actually trying to behave in the right way.  As an illustration of this picture the scenario:
Angry customer telephoning customer services: "That TV you installed isn't working. It cost £700 and I'm missing the cup final!"
Customer Service Agent #1 with a doubting tone says: "I am surprised. I'm sure there can't be anything seriously wrong with one of our new state of the art LCD HD sets"
Fair answer but wrong answer. The customer wants empathy not questioning of his complaint. Sensing no sympathy for how he feels, he demands his money back.
Customer Service Agent #2 with an angry disappointed tone says:  "Really!! That is not good! We need to quickly sort this out for you."
Good answer and right answer. The customer senses a likeminded response. They're in rapport and he is happy to be talked through the set up steps as the agent now shifts into calm problem solving manner.
This is pacing and leading at work. Matching the non-verbal language as it reflects the mood  and rhetoric of somebody before using it to lead them out of conflict and into resolution.
Yes our friend at Costa's needs to learn to mirror the "state we don't want to be in" language of his friend and lead her out of it - otherwise he'll always be living with his mum.

For more tips on persuasion go to http://www.persuadability.co.uk/