Why is it that some people just don't trust our advice?

Beep! ...Beeep!! ...Beeeeeeep!!! The increasing annoyance was enough to get my attention as I stood waiting to cross the inner ring road to the town centre. But when I looked around I didn't recognise the car twenty odd yards away. However it was pretty clear that the driver wanted my attention as she frantically beckoned me towards her.  I walked back over...intrigued by this interest in me?   "I need to get back onto the A43 for Northampton" she hurriedly explained, "....and the signs were not clear!"   I offered her an ironic "Good morning!" wondering what "unclear" signs could possibly have lead her into this cul-de-sac car park for the nearby church.

"No problem!" I said. "You just need to get back out onto the ring road, carry on heading south and you'll pick up the A43 and Northampton signs." I waited for the thank you. "But I need to be in Northampton for a meeting at 10 o'clock!" she replied in an agitated state that quickly worsened to irritated when she asked "Where am I now?"   By now I am thinking that a little bit of graciousness wouldn't go amiss! I said "you're on the north side of town and you just need to carry on heading south!"   "Shall I ask somebody who knows the way?" was the unbelieveable comeback!! "Is he going there?" she asked, pointing to a bemused cabby about to park up for a smoke.
"I know the way! Just go back out of this road into this traffic and follow the ring road round"
"How do I get out of here?"  I think the cabby must have seen the look of disbelief on my face!!! I showed her how to reverse into a space, and then carefully explained how she would be driving "in front of that lamp post and getting in behind these cars that are passing us!!!!!"
As it happened I knew the cabby from way back. So as the lady drove off we inevitably got into stereotypical bloke mode....talking about women and their navigation instincts. But as I continued walking into town I thought more about the conversation with the lost driver. Why didn't she have confidence in my ability to help her? Why did she seem incapable of listening?  Of course the answer was she couldn't trust the advice of somebody who didn't seem to appreciate her predicament. She had a real problem. She was lost and late. And there was himself saying "no problem!" There was no empathy...and no rapport.
The joke on me was we that we talk about this all the time in training. We call it Pacing and Leading. The need to empathise with a person's state. In this case to share concern for being lost...for being late. Not just talk about it, but show it as well....matching state and feelings. Then when state and feelings are in rapport to offer credible advice on how to get out of the situation we are in. I'll remember next time.
So when somebody is really worked up over something, be they a lost motorist or an angry customer.  Let them see from voice, body language and remarks that there is empathy for their agitated state....then they will believe that you want to help them and can help them.

For more tips and advice on how to communicate and influence others visit http://www.persuadability.co.uk/