Use ying and yang to get agreement

I must get back into the routine of Tuesday evening Tai Chi.

The first hour is very well spent on the "health" aspects - practicing the moves and understanding the breathing and skeletal massage benefits.  
The second hour our teacher Bernie gets us on the martial arts stuff - that is great fun.
Not necessarily the diving forward rolls onto a mat - that makes me giddy! Nor the stamina building routines - holding weights and swinging your arms at shoulder height for several painful minutes.  Nor is it necessarily the sparring with the gloves on - its a nose protector not gum shield that I need!  But Bernie explains that "you need this stuff just in case it kicks off outside the chippy on a Saturday night!"
The part I get the biggest kick out of is the pushing hands practice. Embodying one of Tai Chi's key principals of using your opponents force to your advantage - it teaches you to be alert and sensitive to their imminent movement and then to allow their own attacking momentum to unbalance them. Initiate the attack yourself and you end up on all fours!

It's a principal that I find serves us very well in resolving conflict or when influencing opinions towards our own point of view.
Disappointingly we are inclined to counter-attack when our opinions are challenged. Which is fine if you just want to enjoy a good row but not very productive if agreement is the end aim.
And an attack can be very innocent in it's intent. Simply saying "you're wrong!" "that's not the case!" "I disagree!" signals a difference which in turn means that you're on opposite sides. And the shields go up.
We have our own "soft hands" that we can use to counter disagreement:
Keep quiet - listen intently - don't rush in with a response.
Nod your head in apparent agreement
Empathise with a response like: "fair point" "I think I can see why you say that"
Qualify their thoughts: "would you mind explaining it a bit more to me please?"
Qualify their feelings: "I see ...and why is that particularly important to you?"
Now - not only have you let them talk out their objection - deflate the balloon as it was once taught to me - but you know the needs and wants that sit behind their objection. You can tailor your response and make sure it meets those wants in every way.

Which is much better than a sore nose ...or falling on all fours 


For more tips on persuasion visit http://persuadability.co.uk/

Why do we love "Top 10 lists?

Why do we love "Top 10" lists so much?
What is so compelling about discovering "The top 10 ways of doing this!" or "The 12 greatest ways of doing that?"
Why is it that as a teenager I couldn't move from the radio when they were playing the latest Top 20 selling singles?
Or be fascinated by the list of most watched programmes around the TV regions? And delight in seeing that Ulster TV's favourite show was The Flintstones!
What persuades me to sit through a two hour TV programme on a topic of minor interest just to see how Channel 4 viewers counted their favourite bits down from 50 to number 1?
And while I'm about it - who was it who said that any article we write for the web has to be "the 6 top tips..." or "8 awesome ways...?" Where is the evidence for this unchallengable rule?
If not evidence, there is plenty of opinion about. I particularly like the offering from National Public Radio http://tinyurl.com/alhhp2 Their No 1 is Lists bring order to chaos. And they quote David Wallechinsky who co-authored the Book of Lists - talking about lists he says "lists help us in organising what is otherwise overwhelming." Spot on there mate!
The Montreal Observer's no 1 reason is They make us feel smart followed closely by They make us feel smug. Yes. have to agree with that too.
And Stuart Brown of Modern Life writing from the perspective of a blogger and article writer points out their obvious attraction - They are easy to digest!
I think that is a key point - digestability. Which is why I and many others ignore the rather ridiculous 100 hot hints or 50 finest findings.  Even 8 awesome ways may be stretching it a bit.
But with an eye or brevity I think lists or rankings are a brilliant aid when putting together a presentation or lengthy pitch.

• Lists help retain attention - telling the audience there are 5 compelling benefits you want to share conditions them to listen up for five chunks of information.
• They hold interest - positioning your list in a "saving the best until last" manner hooks the audience with curiosity - just like I get hooked by a two hour TV show!
• They have implicit authority - probably because our brains have become "Google'ised" to think this way - we just seem to accept that a list is definitive.

For good measure, qualifying your list with "based on proven demand" or "derived from research findings" makes it practicably irrefutable. And to be really on the money with your message why not assemble it into your own Top List of ...usefulness or ...value in the benefits? A simple e mail questionnaire or an hour or two on the telephone would do it for you.
So the next time you're mapping out those presentation key messages express them in a ranked list.  And get yourself into the No 1 slot!   

For more tips on persuasion visit http://persuadability.co.uk/  

The compelling power of a story

I've been reminded three times this week about the compelling power of stories:

Once by an item in the paper about the eye witness account by sail-maker Robert Hope at the Battle of Trafalgar in October 1805. Written in a letter to his brother he vividly describes moments like "when five more of the Enemy’s Ships came upon us and engage us upon every Quarter, for one hour and sixteen minutes. When one Struck but being so closely engaged that we could not take possession of her at that time. Two more seemed to be quite satisfied with what they had got so sheered off, but the other two, was determined to board us..." 
It's impossible to read his story and not be there seeing it through his eyes and experiencing the reality of it.
The second reminder came when reading Bill Bryson's - At Home. In the chapter The Kitchen he talks about food and he quotes from Tobias Smollett's The Expedition of Humphry Clinker. Referring to the vivid picture of life that Smollett paints in eighteenth-century England, Bryson illustrates this with the description of how milk was carried through London streets into which plopped "spittel, snot and tobacco quids from foot passengers, over-flowings from mud carts, spatterings from coach wheels, dirt and trash thrown in by roguish boys for the joke sake, the spewing of infants ...and finally, the vermin that drops from the rags of the nasty drab that vend this precious mixture." 
If I had simply been told that milk vending in 18th century England was unhygienic I wouldn't have understood quite so well!
And it is this experiencing it and therefore understanding it factor which is the magic that makes stories a compelling communication medium. And why story-telling should be in the tool box of anybody who has to regularly influence and motivate others.
Tips on how to create and tell a story are widely available. For a rapid master class read Mark Twain's How to tell a Great Story which is available as a free download. And read anything by Jeremy Clarkson. 
For my money the secret of storytelling - that magic ingredient that entrances the listener and gets them internalizing it - is vivid description. As was pointed out to me this week. Painting the picture in the listener's mind so they can see, hear, and feel the situation and the people - and be there with them.
So when you're putting together that story for your next presentation check it over for some of Hope's "every quarter for one hour and sixteen minutes" or Smollett's "spittel, snot and tobacco quids."
The third reminder? Oh yes. That was when listening to a compelling story on the radio.
It was on Womans Hour - so less said the better really! 
 
For more tips on persuasion browse the Resource Centre at http://www.persuadability.co.uk/ 

Put your tie on!

I watched the apprentice last night. It's a great show. And I think it was great to see all the blokes were wearing ties. It seems that appearance is something Lord Sugar takes seriously. And it was interesting that the chairman gave the evential fire'ee an early rebuke for not sitting at the boardroom table in the expected manner!

Of course many argue that the current trend to be tie-less is fine. In a Linkedin discussion group the very learned Chartered Management Institute are giving this topic more air time than any other - much to to the chagrin of the discussion group moderator!  
Early contributors show their support for open-necked business  - obviously they are leaders rather than followers -even adding the odd endorsement for jeans (designer of course) to show just how "trendy" they are. Latterly the traditionalists are fighting back. Defending all that is right in "appropriate dress."  I am of that persuasion. A belief no doubt instilled by many detentions at  St Clement-Danes GS for not wearing the mandatory school cap! And subsequently reaffirmed in my equally impressionable years as a sales trainee by Borden and Bussey's training film message to VIP your way in! 
But appearance does count.  As colleagues Keith (ex-army) and Carl discovered when requesting a testimonial from a newly acquired customer. Expecting some praise for their ethical selling style the lady explained that she was encouraged to buy by their clean shoes.
It was of course a post-rationale. The customer hadn't consciously inspected Keith and Carl's shoes before saying yes, but on reflection she realised this was the trigger.
Like most people she is sub-consciously influenced. Signals we don't even notice - especially visual ones - trigger a stored thought in our beliefs system and in turn affect how we make decisions.
And when those decisions involve somebody's recommendations we  intuitively ask questions about them and their values first - and the first answer we get back is from what we see.
So lads if we throw off the tie there's the dilemna:
Be consciously observed as "with it! ...modern ...innovative etc."
Or sub-consciously recognised as "inappropriately dressed" ....casual"  Or worst of all "a follower!"
So I'll be leaving off the leather overcoat and shades today!
Where's my white shirt and tie?

The curse of buyer's remorse

I filled up the Lexus this morning ready for a trip to London tomorrow. £70 ...ouch! 
Then I discovered the car wash was closed so it was back home ...out with the hose and sponge and be reminded of another reason why I've finally gone off the beast!

That evening 4 years ago I'd gone out intent on buying the IS200 model.  Then overcome by the smell of leather seating I found myself driving home in the indulgent GS300.  And I've been telling myself ever since that I made the right choice. 
Which apparently is a proven behavioural trait.  After we have made a choice we adjust our thinking to think better of the option we chose. It's been demonstrated in some research carried out by psychologists at University College London and Lake Forest College and published in Psychological Science.  Their study actually showed that we can rate two things equally, but once we've made a decision on one we subsequently convince ourselves it is superior. It seems we need to relieve the psychological tension of rejecting a perfectly reasonable alternative.
I certainly relate to that ...but my experience also tells me that eventually that other well known trait "Buyer's Remorse" will kick in ...just as it has with me and my GS300. And guess who I blame?   No not myself!  I blame the salesman ...of course! For allowing deep pile carpet and a  pneumatic drop down compartment for my shades to distract me!
Of course shifting a car off the forecourt may be a result in the used-car trade - but the majority of business situations have a more lasting consideration when it comes to buyer  satisfaction. And there's nothing like a lingering attack of buyer's remorse to turn a once happy customer into an ex-customer! 

Which is why I always worry about the lack of requalification and consolidation in selling interviews. These days most of us are quite good at identifying needs. Some of us are quite good at fully qualifying identified needs and underlying wants.  But from my observation, not many of us are good at requalifying and consolidating.

It's understandable. We've got the prospect nodding at our pitch. Why risk a rejection. Let's press for a close!  And make a short term win!

What do I mean by requalifying and consolidating?

•  Checking that they are happy! By asking questions as you present your ideas or benefits like "How does that sound?" or "How do you feel about that?"  "Are you happy with the solution we've discussed?" 
• Properly handling any objections ...to make sure that these and other concerns are resolved. With questions like: "Does that answer your question?" "Do you have any other concerns?" Adding in for good measure the so reassuring and effective  "Are you sure?"

Like it or not, customers are always right ...and they never forget!

Which is why I'm on the look out for a VW!

Men and women ...there is a difference.

A sofa discussion on Breakfast TV this morning got onto the question of political correctness and how it had changed over time. They were actually making the comparison between a couple of currently showing TV Detective programmes where one was set in the 60's.  Now the 60's was my "finishing" era as far as adolescence goes so I have to confess to once holding some  "dated" attitudes on the subject of men and women.
However in recent years I have championed the cause of women, particularly when it came to hiring and developing good sales people. My experience was that women just happened to excel at reading body language. So consequently they were better at mirroring and establishing rapport. Which meant they were better qualifyers ..and so on.

So it was an unbiased eye that was caught by reports on some work undertaken by the University of Southern California.

It seems that there are sex differences when it comes to recognising someone else's facial expression when we're stressed. For example us blokes don't respond to angry faces ...so they say.  Although I do think the expression "diminished brain activity" is a bit strong.  But it does seem that there is "decreased co-ordination" in the part that interprets what facial expressions are saying.

The trouble is that these experts now have the brain imaging technology to prove it!! As shown by another  team at University of Pennsylvania who have come up with more or less the same conclusions.    http://tinyurl.com/cymoan
And it seems in this case that when stress abounds in situations involving personal inter-action - like that key client negotiation - us guys are much more inclined to resort to the old fight or flight response. Sadly I must associate myself with those last remarks!
So lads we better brush up on those calming positive affirmations as well as the body language skills before that next big business pitch. Or else we're going to have to leave things to the ladies.
Still there is one comforting thought ...it's no longer politically incorrect to talk about the differences between the guys and the girls???

Whistle while you work and it will all happen!

Do you talk out loud to yourself?  A colleague in the next office frequently does ....to the extent he thought he may have a problem. I argued "of course not!" ...because I also happen to talk to myself a lot. So it was reassuring to read this week that a team of psychologists are backing me up. In a series of tests with volunteers at the University of Toronto the researchers looked at the influence of our "inner voice." That way we have of announcing and explaining to ourselves  something we're about to do. Like tackling self-assembly furniture or explaining to your partner that you're off for a golfing week-end when her mother is due to stay!
Apparently letting the inner voice out can make us more decisive and resolute, improve our self-control, and make us less likely to do things impulsively.
The same day I read about this, I came across another piece of research that showed how whistling while you work can be a huge help. Again I could relate with this concept as I'm sure many other happy whistlers will. It always fascinated me how my old window cleaner Ted would whistle this repetitive non-tune as he scampered up and down his ladder and across window cills with all the instinctive assurance of a mountain goat.

The scientific part of this story deals with our working memory ...kind of like the RAM in your computer. It seems that if we think to much about what we're doing we use up too much RAM and can lock up. Something else I can relate to!  On the other hand if what we need to do is hard-wired into our consciousness then we don't have to think about it ...just do it!
Both of these stories have a relevance to nerve wracking occasions we encounter in business. Like an important pitch or a key presentation. Neither should be "busked!" Something we are all guilty of at times when time pressures encourage us to believe that "I'm better when I'm spontaneous!" Yeah ...right!  Both should be properly planned and prepared and dare I say rehearsed. Then once learned and hard-wired we have to trust our inner self to deliver.
With a few words of encouragement ...or maybe a whistled non-tune!

 For more tips on persuasive communication visit http://www.persuadability.co.uk/