Tuesday 15 December 2009

Why is it that some people just don't trust our advice?

Beep! ...Beeep!! ...Beeeeeeep!!! The increasing annoyance was enough to get my attention as I stood waiting to cross the inner ring road to the town centre. But when I looked around I didn't recognise the car twenty odd yards away. However it was pretty clear that the driver wanted my attention as she frantically beckoned me towards her.  I walked back over...intrigued by this interest in me?   "I need to get back onto the A43 for Northampton" she hurriedly explained, "....and the signs were not clear!"   I offered her an ironic "Good morning!" wondering what "unclear" signs could possibly have lead her into this cul-de-sac car park for the nearby church.


"No problem!" I said. "You just need to get back out onto the ring road, carry on heading south and you'll pick up the A43 and Northampton signs." I waited for the thank you. "But I need to be in Northampton for a meeting at 10 o'clock!" she replied in an agitated state that quickly worsened to irritated when she asked "Where am I now?"   By now I am thinking that a little bit of graciousness wouldn't go amiss! I said "you're on the north side of town and you just need to carry on heading south!"   "Shall I ask somebody who knows the way?" was the unbelieveable comeback!! "Is he going there?" she asked, pointing to a bemused cabby about to park up for a smoke.
"I know the way! Just go back out of this road into this traffic and follow the ring road round"
"How do I get out of here?"  I think the cabby must have seen the look of disbelief on my face!!! I showed her how to reverse into a space, and then carefully explained how she would be driving "in front of that lamp post and getting in behind these cars that are passing us!!!!!"
As it happened I knew the cabby from way back. So as the lady drove off we inevitably got into stereotypical bloke mode....talking about women and their navigation instincts. But as I continued walking into town I thought more about the conversation with the lost driver. Why didn't she have confidence in my ability to help her? Why did she seem incapable of listening?  Of course the answer was she couldn't trust the advice of somebody who didn't seem to appreciate her predicament. She had a real problem. She was lost and late. And there was himself saying "no problem!" There was no empathy...and no rapport.
The joke on me was we that we talk about this all the time in training. We call it Pacing and Leading. The need to empathise with a person's state. In this case to share concern for being lost...for being late. Not just talk about it, but show it as well....matching state and feelings. Then when state and feelings are in rapport to offer credible advice on how to get out of the situation we are in. I'll remember next time.
So when somebody is really worked up over something, be they a lost motorist or an angry customer.  Let them see from voice, body language and remarks that there is empathy for their agitated state....then they will believe that you want to help them and can help them.

For more tips and advice on how to communicate and influence others visit http://www.persuadability.co.uk/

Sunday 6 December 2009

Why we should think before we present!

"I went shopping for things they didn't have!"  was the wonderful bit of Irishness uttered by my partner's mother after a visit to the supermarket.  "Well that was a waste of time wasn't it!" I ironically and perhaps unkindly observed.
Of course we all grasped what she meant and we were teasing. But it is another reminder of how the meaning of words is so easily misinterpreted. And another opportunity for me to have a quick rant about the importance of preparation when it comes to presenting.
It is the case though that the meaning of what others hear often differs from the meaning of what we say. As well as that. How many times have you made a presentation only to think afterwards..."I wish now that I had said it this way!"
We spend a lot of time putting together written documents such as a business proposal. We wouldn't dream of submitting it without reading it through and making those inevitable tweaks. Yet we're so often happy to "busk" a presentation.
 And yes, you are probably guessing where I'm heading with this? Rehearsal! There really isn't a good enough excuse for not properly rehearsing those important presentations. There are several options to go with:
  1. From the old favourite and the simplest...standing in front of the bathroom mirror.
  2. To the "High tech" options of voice recording software. Free downloads are out there and the additional benefit of this method is that you can listen to your presentation and see how it synchronises with your speaker support slides.
  3. Or as a 3rd option, why not ask a colleague to present to you. You will see things with greater objectivity because somebody else is delivering the message. It is also especially useful if you can sit and listen with the assumed mindset of the prospective audience and feel how the message impacts on you.
Whatever method you choose. It has got to be worth listening to yourself before you speak, we don't want to go shopping for things they haven't got, do we! 

  Bob Howard-Spink is a Partner in Persuadability. For more tips and advice on improving the presentation of your business messages visit http://www.persuadability.co.uk/ 
   

Wednesday 2 December 2009

What I really meant to say was!

Stopping to ask somebody for directions this morning I was reminded how often we find this simple request so difficult. Most of us probably think afterwards "No, what I should have said was.......!"    My all time favourite example of comic-direction came from a chap who said "go down this road and turn right where the old cinema used to be!!!!!!" 
Of course he understood perfectly what he meant.  "Where the cinema used to be" made complete sense in his world.
It's surprising how often we sit in conferences and listen to presenters who seem to suffer that same problem. To them, the meaning of what they say is quite clear. Unfortunately they haven't heard what they are saying to realise that it is not that clear at all.   Just one of the numerous consequences of inadequate presentation planning!
Let's be honest. We presenters hate the planning part of presenting. Sometimes it is genuine lack of time. Sometimes we just want to avoid it, prefering to "keep it fresh and spontaneous???"

I saw it in a conference that I attended recently. The audience were left unclear about key messages as presenters fell into the familiar traps: - too much time on too many of the issues and nothing on the actions, or not enough time on the issues and too much on unjustified actions.
If any of this has a familiar ring to it why not make a start on the first good habit...clarifying your presentation objectives.
After all you only have about 15 minutes of good attention and 20 minutes maximum, so ask these questions:
What broadly speaking would I like to achieve with the audience?
1. Do I want them to simply appreciate and understand a wide range of issues or opportunities and therefore I should plan for that?
2. Or, do I want them to understand the more important issues/opportunities and recognise the actions/solutions that could be taken, and prepare for that?
3. Or, do I want them to really understand the key issues and commit to agreed actions? Is this what I should plan for?


Bob Howard-Spink is a partner in Persuadability. For more tips and advice on improving the persuasiveness of your business messages visit http://www.persuadability.co.uk/